Dear Life,

Dear life,

Where to start?

First of all, thanks for the mental illnesses! Very appreciated! Not.

Anxiety and depression have taken a lot from me, particularly anxiety which I am still struggling with. This has caused a lot of shit, I’m not going to lie. However my anxiety has improved a lot over time which I am happy about. I have felt so much more confident this year and having a job and developing friends has helped a lot, and I absolutely have you to thank for that.
I have begged you for friends and for a job for years, but you never seemed to answer me. I can’t even begin to describe how sad and angry this made me and how disappointed I was in myself and you. But then one day this year, on the 26th of July, you finally helped. You gave me a great job and fantastic friends and I am thoroughly grateful for them. It feels so strange to actually have friends, and it feels even stranger that I am buying Christmas presents for them this year! I’ve never done that with friends before. I feel so included now.
Now I know that you weren’t ignoring my cries, you were waiting for the right moment to throw me into the world of work and friendship.
I remember you giving me two job interviews at the same time and this was one of the most stressful situations I have been in. I had a hard time deciding, but suddenly, you made sure that one of the interviews kept being delayed, and allowed me to take part in the other interview which I found interesting and enjoyable.
With the other interview being constantly delayed, the place I did an interview for offered me a job and I took it so fast and I am happy I did. It has changed my life, seriously.

I could go on and on about how you have thrown me into continuous stressful situations and how sometimes I dislike you for it. I hate how I have been through things that I wouldn’t wish others to go through, I hate how my last relationships with people have ended and I wish I had more of the things I’ve asked you for, however I need to realise that you, Life, is trying to teach me patience as well as gratefulness and seeing the signs and meanings in things. I am still learning how to do these things, but I think I’m getting on pretty well so far, and I thank you for that. I also thank you for pushing me headfirst into situations I am not comfortable with. I am recognising that this isn’t you necessarily being cruel to me, but showing me that I can get through anything. Thank you Life for being my mentor đź–¤

Healing From Being Cheated On.

Being cheated on is in my opinion one of the most emotionally painful situation that you can go through. You feel betrayed, it lowers your confidence, you enter the grieving stages which can be challenging to push through and it and makes you feel negatively towards yourself and towards future relationships as well as possibly causing you to isolate yourself and develop trust issues.

Before we begin going through some tips on how to heal from being cheated on, I just want to note that all different experiences and feelings are different and regardless of how someone may choose to act or feel, for example developing feelings of jealousy, we need to look at them with love and understanding rather than judgement.

  • Learn how to go through each grieving stage. Learn how to accept that it has happened, allow yourself to feel anger and jealousy of others and understand that you need to use these emotions healthily and creatively, take time to make a decision on what your next move is, whether that is staying with them or moving on, know that it’s okay to be upset, to be depressed and know that you are allowed to move on. Let yourself mourn!
  • Heal safely. Try not to turn to drugs, alcohol, smoking and perform dangerous acts. Find a friend to hang out with, find someone to confide in whether this is someone close to you or a professional who can take the weight of your pain away and provide advice and tips for healing after being cheated on, go places on your own and learn freedom once more, tell yourself that you are worthy of love and that you deserve everything good, occupy yourself with your hobbies or learn something new, if you are religious or spiritual, use that to heal yourself. There are so many healthy and kind ways in which you can take care of yourself and move on, and you deserve to love yourself and life.
  • You NEED to learn how to distract yourself when negative thoughts enter your head regarding the cheating, whether this is who it happened with, when it happened and how it happened or upsetting thoughts and feelings about yourself such as insecurity, low self-esteem, anger, sadness, confusion, jealousy, resentment and wondering if the cheating happened because of something you said, did, or because of you in general, but I want you to know that being cheated on is NOT your fault and you are worthy of love and respect. Do not blame yourself. By letting these thoughts remain for too long in your brain, you risk dwelling on them constantly and allowing them to grow more powerful and harder to ignore.
  • During your healing process, one important factor of moving on is not holding a grudge against your ex. This can be a challenging thing to achieve but it is important. If you want to hold a grudge then that is totally up to you, but holding a grudge can make it more difficult to move on and can affect future relationships via trust issues, paranoia, suspicious as well as continuously thinking of the past.
  • You are allowed to take as much time as you want to heal. It can take weeks, months or even years. From personal experience, I am three years into my process and I still find it difficult from time to time. You can take as much time as you want and need. Don’t feel bad if you are still hurt years later.
  • Plan your future. A good way to move on and feel good about yourself and life is to plan a future event such as a concert, a party or a night in or out with yourself or some friends, or you could take yourself out for dinner or to an aquarium r other fun place, or you could even plan for your favourite holiday! Who cares if it’s February and you’re already planning for Halloween! Go for it! Whatever it is you’re planning, you deserve it and it can be a great distraction.
  • Love yourself. This is a very common phrase that is used, but it is true nonetheless. We all need to love ourselves regardless of what we have been through. We need to love our bodies, our minds, our souls, what we have accomplished in life and what we will accomplish in the future. We need to feel proud of ourselves and recognise the person we are as a whole. We also need to take care of ourselves through remembering to brush our hair, our teeth, by washing ourselves and other forms of care that we need, as well as self-care such as bubble baths, chocolate, hot cups of tea, a good book and a nice walk or anything else that relaxes you and makes you feel happy and warm.

For the end of this blog, I would like to list some do’s and don’ts of healing from cheating!

Do!

1. Find positive ways to heal and move on.

2. Tell yourself that you are deserving of love.

3. Reach out and talk to others about your thoughts, feelings and your situation.

4. Learn to love being alone.

5. Take care of yourself through personal care and self-care.

Don’t!
1. Give in to the pessimistic and heartbreaking thoughts.

2. Isolate yourself from others, especially for long periods of time.

3. Let others judge you for how you are handling things, for example if you develop jealousy over other’s relationships.

4. Blame yourself or punish yourself.

5. Hold a grudge forever.

Being cheated on will no doubt make you feel so many emotions from sadness to anger to confusion to shame. Accepting what has happened can be difficult and there may be times where you believe you will never feel better, but as long as you are taking care of yourself and distracting yourself, you will eventually begin to feel positive changes within yourself. Take your time and know that you will be okay again.